the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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