don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
