I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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