apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
