as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
