I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
