I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
