i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
