You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
