You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
This is the high leading the old right now
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
