Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
