plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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