It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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