College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize