I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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