I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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