Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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