The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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