Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
