"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
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