you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
