I swear she didn't look like that last week.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
