I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
