Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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