well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
