You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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