I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
