OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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