You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
