I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
