it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
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