Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
