Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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