Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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