Soap is not a condiment
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
