what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
