her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
