He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Randomize
