remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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