and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
