Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
