I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
