Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
