he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
