i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
why does every cop we meet know your name?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
