great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i will never coherently bang her
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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