Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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