She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You ruined the universe
Randomize
