yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize