he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize