I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I forget how to act sober
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
