I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
There r osticjed everywhere
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
