My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
