barbara walters just said penis...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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