nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
