Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
