I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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