I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Randomize
