There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
