Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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