....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
