My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
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