dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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