yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
