Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
