I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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