woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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