Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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