He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
