I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
