My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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