Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
this will be a night to untag.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
