Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
