Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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