I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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