I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
