Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
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