i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
