My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
