You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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