did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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