Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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