i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
