Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
