i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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