OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
