Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I think weed is turning my hair brown
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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