hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
