my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
