Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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