just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
