My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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