I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
