Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
