i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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