my mouth tastes like poor choices
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize