they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
