goodnight i made you a song goodbye
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
